


Cigarette Daydream

by Mathmagician



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Cigarettes, M/M, i don't know how to tag, kitchen, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathmagician/pseuds/Mathmagician
Summary: Normal AU where Simon and Baz’s flats are opposite to each other and they can see the other’s kitchen from their own kitchen. Baz has only seen Simon in his own apartment, although Simon has seen Baz everywhere.‘The third time I saw him, he saw me too. I had just got into the kitchen to pick up some tee. The light on the kitchen of the apartment across mine was on, and there was this guy on the balcony smoking. It was him.’‘The third time I saw him, he saw me too. It was almost two in the morning and I was outside on the balcony smoking. I saw the light almost at the same time as I saw him. I almost dropped my cigarette when our eyes met.’





	Cigarette Daydream

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people.  
> Here’s a new Normal AU because apparently AU’s is all I can write. I want to thank everyone who left amazing comments and kudos in my last fic. I was pretty proud of it and it made me super happy to know you all enjoyed it as well.  
> I know this is really long, but I didn’t want to cut it because I didn’t know where to, so I’m just going to post it whole. 
> 
> I took the idea from this tumblr post: 
> 
> http://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/101118660910/au-prompts-masterlist-of-lists
> 
> Just a little remark: all these characters belong to the amazing Rainbow Rowell and I do not own any of them.

_**BAZ** _

 

The first time I saw him, it was three AM and I was in the kitchen making coffee, ready to pull an all-nighter. When I looked up, I saw that the light in the kitchen of the apartment across mine was on as well. A few moments later, I spotted a guy holding a cup of coffee to his lips, leaned on his counter. I couldn’t see much of him but his golden messy curls and his ( _very nice_ ) butt. I had just moved in, so I didn’t know any of my neighbours. Yet, I knew he was, for sure, the most interesting one.

The second time I saw him, I was making dinner for my aunt who was coming over for a visit. I was dancing around, and crying from chopping onions, when I saw his kitchen light flicker from the window. I stopped immediately with the dancing. Although I had never seen Curly Mess around campus, that didn’t mean he didn’t go to the same college as I did. And my reputation couldn’t be tainted by him telling everyone I danced to Lady Gaga while cooking. This time, I could only catch a glimpse of him while he put some bags on the counter. It too fast for me to see his face, which disappointed me a little. I wanted to give a face to that nice butt I already knew.

The third time I saw him, he saw me too. It was almost two in the morning, and I was outside on the balcony smoking. I saw the light almost at the same time as I saw him. I almost dropped my cigarette when our eyes met. He was the most beautiful person I had _ever_ seen. I could write a whole sonnet on how he looked, and how I felt I could get lost in his eyes forever. I could write a song on his constellations of freckles and moles, scattered all over his chest and face, and how I wanted to kiss every single one of them. Which would be too much considering we hadn’t even met. Then, he noticed me and smiled. And I almost fainted. I felt as if I was staring directly into the sun.

Yet, I couldn’t look away.

 

_**SIMON:** _

 

The first time I saw him, I was walking around campus. He was sitting on the grass, leaning against a tree and reading a book. His head was down, and I couldn’t see his face, but his pitch-black hair fell in waves to about his shoulder. He was the first person on campus who caught my eye, and I wondered if he could, perhaps, be in some of my classes.

The second time I saw him, he walked into the same café I was studying in. He walked to the counter and talked to the waitress for a while. I could hear his voice, so seductive, although I could not understand what he was saying. I wondered if he was flirting with her, and figured, from the way she was laughing, that he probably was. I still couldn’t see Raven Hair’s face that time, but I noticed he had a nice ass. That was when Agatha, my girlfriend, came in. I lost vision of this black-haired stranger for a few moments, while greeting her. When I looked back at the counter, he wasn’t there anymore.

The third time saw I him, he saw me too. I had just got into the kitchen to pick up some tea. The light in the kitchen of the apartment across mine was on, and there was this guy on the balcony smoking. It was  _him_. He had a long nose, slightly crooked, and high cheekbones. His features were sharp, but soft all the same. I felt as if I could cut myself in his jawline, but also melt into it. And his eyes contained a whole storm within them. They were grey, and green, and blue, and so deep I was sure I could drown in them. I smiled when I realized he saw me, and the shy, and slightly pretentious, grin I got back made my legs go weak. I knew this meant trouble, for I had a girlfriend, currently laying on my bed.

Yet, I couldn’t look away.

__

_**BAZ:** _

 

It became some sort of routine. Curly Mess and I would meet at two AM. Me smoking my cigarette, him drinking whatever it was he drank from his Harry Potter mug (It read  _‘Don’t Let The Muggles Get You Down’_  and I admit I was jealous I didn’t have one). We never talked. He never came to his balcony, so there was really no way of speaking to each other. We just stayed there, both staring at the other, waiting to see who was the first to finish and leave. It was always him. I made the cigarette last for as long as I could. If, by the time it had burnt all the way through, Curly Mess hadn’t left his kitchen yet, I would just light another one. It was rare for that to happen, since he usually finished his drink before I finished smoking. He would always look at me intensely and smile brightly at me before turning around and leaving his kitchen.

It became the moment I looked for throughout my day. It got me through the most exhausting classes, through the most annoying group projects, through the most lonely and boring days. It was my blissful moment. Sitting on my balcony, smoking my worries away, and looking at this beautiful stranger that seemed, somehow, like a friend. I had this ridiculous hope that he would come into his balcony one day and talk to me. In my fantasy, we would have a lot in common, starting with the fact that we both felt super attracted to the other. I would ask him out to dinner and we would have the best time. And we would fall in love and live happily ever after. I knew it was unreal. And it was ridiculous to be thinking of a future with someone I didn’t know. But at least I hoped we might talk someday. And then who knew what could happen? I longed for the day he would leave his kitchen and come to the balcony to talk to me. That is, until the day I saw  _her_.

It was one of our regular 2 AM encounters. I was just finishing my cigarette and it felt like it was one of those days I would have to light a second one. He was walking around, never losing eye contact. For a second, I thought he was going to open the door and come out to talk to me. But then something happened, and he looked at the kitchen door startled. That’s when she appeared.

She was stunning. She had long blond hair, almost white. Her face was a face of an angel. Or, at least, that’s what I think angels would look like if they were real. She had surely been asleep just a few moments ago. Yet, she moved with such grace, such beauty, no one could tell she had just woken up. She was beautiful. I am sure that if I was into girls, I would be in love by now.

Blond Angel crossed the kitchen and Curly Mess walked to her. I couldn’t hear what he said but I could read the girl's lips. She was telling him to come back to bed. Any hopes I had of them being siblings disappeared. And my fears were only confirmed when she leaned to him and kissed him lightly on the lips. She suddenly didn’t seem so beautiful anymore. She wasn’t gorgeous enough for him. No one was.

I put the cigarette out and left the balcony. When I looked back at his kitchen, Messy Curls was gone. Back to bed, next to Blond Angel. What a fool I was for thinking those middle of the night dates from a distance could ever mean anything.

 

_**SIMON** _

I kept seeing Raven Hair every day, always at two AM, while I drank my tea and he smoked his cigarette. I just liked to sit there and look at him, but I never left for my balcony because then we could speak to each other. And if I spoke to him, I would be crossing a line.

He made my knees go weak, and I usually left before he did, for I couldn’t take the sight of him for any longer. I knew it was wrong. Although we didn’t speak, although we never did anything other than look at each other, although I would never do anything other than contemplate him from afar, it was wrong. I had a girlfriend. Most nights, she was asleep in my bed as Raven Hair and I shared those moments together. And it was wrong.

Even if I knew I would never do anything to hurt Agatha, it was wrong just to stare at him the way I did, night after night. It was wrong just to wonder what could have been if I wasn’t committed. It was wrong to be there and look at him, and make all those plans in my head of what we could do together if it wasn’t for my girlfriend. It was wrong to feel as I did. The lust, the desire, the longing. All of it was wrong.

Yet, I never did anything. I always left when I felt it was becoming to unbearable not to leave for the balcony and talk to him. And I felt as if it made things right. I felt the attraction, but I contradicted it. Even if a little too late every night. Even if I always smiled at him before going back to bed, just to remember what it felt like. To _want_. To  _be wanted_.

I never did anything, until the night I almost did. He stared at me with such intensity, with such force, I felt myself gravitating towards him. I almost opened the door to the balcony. That’s when Agatha called me, and the moment was gone.

She came into the kitchen and I turned around instantly, pretending I had not been staring at Raven Hair all this time. Pretending I hadn’t just been about to give in to the temptation. Pretending all of this I had been doing wasn’t wrong. I followed her back to bed, unable to turn around and catch a last glance of him. Unable to forgive myself for what I had been doing. Unable to apologize. To both of them.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

I didn’t come back to the kitchen at 2 AM the next day. Or the following day. Or the one after that. I knew I had no right to be upset because I didn’t even know Messy Curls. But it felt as if all this might have meant something to him too. But it didn’t. It was nothing but a coincidence, apparently. He had a girlfriend and there was no point in coming back to look at him again. He probably didn’t even like guys. Unfortunately for me.

I didn’t come back for my two AM cigarette anymore, but that didn’t mean I stopped seeing Messy Curls. We made dinner at the same time, occasionally. And while I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. His curls weren’t the only messy thing about him. Everything about that man was pure chaos. From the way he moved, to the way he cooked. From the way he sang, so loud and terribly, to the way he danced around. I couldn’t avoid my lingering gaze on him every time I was lucky enough to be in my kitchen at the same time he was in his. I knew it meant trouble, since I felt myself falling into a deeper spiral every time I saw him. Yet, I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t come back to him at two AM anymore. But that didn’t mean I could avoid the sight of him. And every time he smiled at me, every time our eyes met while he was cooking, and dancing, and screaming, and being a mess, I knew I was getting myself into a deeper mess.

I never believed in love at first sight. But then again, this wasn’t the first time I saw him.

 

_**SIMON:** _

 

The next day, when I got to the kitchen at two AM, the light in his kitchen was off. It was off the following day too, and the one after that as well. Raven Hair didn’t come back after seeing Agatha. I couldn’t blame him. We both knew what we were doing all those nights just staring at each other. We both knew what was bound to happen eventually. What would have happened if Agatha hadn’t woken up that day and called me back to bed.

He didn’t come back to me at two AM anymore. But I kept seeing him everywhere. Around campus, at the coffee house I studied in, at the canteen, outside, waiting for the bus. Once, I even saw him get on the same bus I did. But I was at the back and he sat at the front, leaving two stops before our house. It was somehow lucky. If we had left together, I know we would eventually talk. And that was exactly what couldn’t happen. Because if we talked once, I know I wouldn’t be able to let it be only one conversation. And if the conversations became a habit, I know I wouldn’t be able to let them be meaningless. And the moment it became meaningful, I would be already crossing a line.

That’s why I never said anything, even though I kept seeing him everywhere. Because I knew what would happen if I did. I would dive into his magnetic field and I would get lost in his eyes. I kind of already did, and all he has ever done was stare at me with that stormy gaze. I was already lost, and I knew nothing about him.

That’s why I was somehow thankful he stopped coming back at two AM. I still saw him in the kitchen, once in a while. When we cooked dinner at the same time, or lunch on the weekends. Sometimes even breakfast, both of us with bags under our eyes because college is hard, and we are all slightly dead inside. I know he stares at me when that happens. I know I stare at him too. But it is just not the same. Those moments at two AM felt more intimate than a lot of the moments I shared with Agatha. And they were gone. Which was good, for the sake of my relationship. Yet I missed them. I missed the feeling he gave me. And I missed how he used to smile at me before I went back to bed. He still smiles, but it feels distant. Which is a good thing. Except that it isn’t.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

Months went by and I wish I could say I had almost forgotten about Curly Mess. But that would be a lie. I think I could have, if he wasn’t _always_ there. Every time I got into the kitchen, he was there in his. Sometimes he looked at me and smiled, but he mostly just went on with his life.

I also went on with mine. The semester was coming to an end, and the exams were closing up. I felt trapped inside that flat, and, to make things worse, the only place I could study in was the kitchen. It was the only room in the whole apartment with good lighting, and I had always enjoyed studying there. Unfortunately, all these apartments were too similar, because Curly Mess also seemed to enjoy studying in his kitchen. Which meant I had to see him more often as classes ended and exam season began.

It was one cold night when it happened. I was in the kitchen studying for my Calculus final when I saw the light on his kitchen light up. I saw him scatter a bunch of books and notebooks around his table and sit down. He looked like a wreck, which I assumed had something to do with the exhaustion. I am sure that is what I looked like these days, too.

I turned my attention to my own textbook, but my mind kept wondering. I caught myself staring at him several times, watching him frown his eyebrows at something he was reading. Seeing him highlight pages and pages at a time. Hearing him sing when some song he really liked came on his Spotify playlist. It was impossible for me to concentrate, so I left the kitchen for a while.

I entered my room and picked up my violin. Nothing could calm me down like playing does. The soothing music was all it took for me to feel concentrated again. The power that came from being able to produce such sounds, the softness of the music, the feeling of the bow dancing around in my hands. That was all I needed to feel focused again.

I played for a while. Maybe an hour or so. And then I felt that I was able to go back into that kitchen and study, instead of staring to Curly Mess. If I was lucky, he probably had gone away by now. Although that was unlikely, being exams season and all.

When I entered the kitchen, he was on his balcony looking at me, as if he was expecting me to show up. I froze. From where I stood it seemed that he had tears in his eyes. When he saw me, he started to applaud and gestured for me to come out.

And I, weak as I am, did.

 

_**SIMON:** _

 

Agatha and I broke up not long after the balcony incident. We both knew our relationship wasn’t working anymore, and it was inevitable that it would happen. I don’t think either of us was truly sad about it. We just went back to being friends, as we always had been. And being Agatha’s friend really was the role I played the best. Things were slightly awkward for a while, but then she started seeing some random girl from her class and it all turned back to what it used to be.

I went back to the kitchen at 2 AM every day, but Raven Hair never returned. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to leave for the balcony and talk to him. I wanted to get to know him, take him out for coffee and, then, who knew? I wasn’t much of a daydreamer, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t daydream about him. I night-dreamt about him too, to be honest. It was ridiculous how stuck inside my head he was, even though we had never talked.

It had been months since the last time I had seen him around town. When exams' season began, I had to lock myself at home and study. And I promised myself I would manage to make Raven Hair come out and talk to me. Since we both studied in our kitchens, I would find a way to do so.

It was one cold night when it happened. I had been trying to catch his eye, but whenever our gazes met, he would look away and pretend he was studying. Then, Raven Hair had disappeared after I caught him for the tenth time staring at me. A few moments after he left his kitchen, music filled the air. For some reason, I was sure it had to be him. It would be too much of a coincidence if it wasn’t him the one playing this marvelous tune. I was also sure it had to be Raven Hair, because I had once seen him enter the college’s orchestra practice room holding a violin case.

I stood up from my chair and left for my balcony where I stayed, listening to him play for I don’t know how long. My eyes filled with tears as he performed song after song, with such intensity and emotion I was sure he had to have some sort of gift for it. When the music stopped I couldn’t move, and just stood there waiting for him to appear again. When he did, I applauded so hard my hands hurt. And I gestured for him to come out, not expecting that he actually would.

But he did.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

The freezing December air hit me, but I almost didn’t feel cold because he was looking at me with such intensity, all the blood I had rushed to my cheeks. I had never noticed how close together our balconies were, and I sat down to stop myself from reaching out to touch him. I could now see he definitely had tears in his eyes, and he looked even more beautiful than I remembered. I didn’t say anything, for it was him who asked me to come out. I sat down on my smoking bench and waited for him to speak. After a while he did.

“Your music is beautiful.” I wasn’t expecting such a sensual voice. I don’t know what kind of voice I was expecting actually, but this was worse than I had thought. Even his freaking voice was appealing. Everything about him just made me want to be with him.

“Thank you.” I said, not sure how to proceed. I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and lit one. Just to pretend I wasn’t there solely because he asked me to.

“My name is Simon. Simon Snow.”

“I am Basilton Pitch, but you can call me Baz.” He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I pulled a long drag and blew it out while he watched me mindfully.

“Why do you smoke, Baz?”

“Why do you want to know, Snow?” He shrugged. “To take my mind off things. To have a reason to take a break.”

“There are ways to relax that don’t kill you, Baz.”

“Everything kills you, Snow. We’re all dying, one way or the other.”

“Well, aren’t you joyful.” He mocked, leaning on the handrail.

“You’d think a guy who looks like me wouldn’t be perceived as joyful.”

“I guess you wouldn’t be if you didn’t dance to Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift while cooking.” I looked at him shocked. I thought he didn’t know. I would always turn off the music whenever we were both in the kitchen at the same time. “I don’t have anything against it. I love them. You just can’t pull up that tough mask for people who know you sing along to  _Shake It Off_  with such passion.” He laughs, and his laughter is so contagious I start laughing myself even though he was making fun of me.

“Well Baz, I guess is time for us to study. Or sleep. For me it’s probably the latter. But maybe meet you tomorrow at the same time?” He smiled, looking at me hopefully.

“Wouldn’t your girlfriend think that’s weird?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.” My heart nearly stops. He doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore. He’s single. I might actually have a chance. I grin immediately, unable to conceal the happiness that little piece of information just provided me.

“I’m sorry…?”

“Oh no, it’s fine. It was the best decision for both of us.”

“Well, then I’m not sorry.” I really wasn’t. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then, Snow.”

“See you tomorrow, Pitch.” He replied, going back inside.

I studied for another couple of hours or so. Only because Snow did go to sleep, like he said. I couldn’t shake that stupid grin off my face. I didn’t want to, either.

 

_**SIMON:** _

__

We started to meet every night after that first time we talked on the balcony. Baz smoked his cigarette and we’d talk about our lives. I found out he was a mathematics major, and I told him about my computer science program. He told me about his mother who had died when he was five, and I told him that I had never met my parents. I told him how I had worked my butt off every summer to raise money to be able to leave the orphanage as soon as I could. That I was only in college because of a scholarship I had gotten after winning a programming contest. That it was the reason I was only doing my first year although I was 20 already, like Baz. He told me about his siblings, and I told him about Penny, who was my sister, even if a not blood related one.

We talked every night. Sometimes more than once. We told each other our deepest hopes and dreams. Our greatest desires and biggest fears. Where we saw each other in 10 years, or what we were planning on doing the following day.

I felt like I shared more of myself with him than with a lot of people I’ve known for a longer time. And, ridiculous as it may be, I was falling in love with this man. Even if I didn’t know him for long. Even if we never even saw each other anywhere but there. And every night, without exception, we met on our balconies. But I was craving more. I wanted to take him out, on an actual date. But I couldn’t find the courage to ask him.

And then Penny came back from her semester abroad in Sweden. Micah, her boyfriend, picked her up at the airport and brought her home. The flat had been so empty since she left. Every time I crossed her room, her absence became more demanding. And she was finally home, and I was so happy. I was in the kitchen when they arrived. As soon as we saw each other, Penny and I just ran towards the other and collided into a gigantic hug. I had never missed anyone as much as I had missed her that semester.  

That night, at dinner, I told her about Baz. Even her, who was 200% against violence, wanted to smack me when I told her I didn’t even have his number. Nor had I invited him over to study. Or to grab coffee. And she pep-talked me into inviting him on a date tonight. And Penny is a persuasive person, so I promised her I would. And you can’t break a promise you make to Penny.

I waited impatiently for him to show up that night. I waited almost until the sun rose. He never did. Nor the following night. Or the one after that. Once again, he stopped showing up. Only this time, I didn’t know why.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

I thought I meant something to him. I poured my heart and my soul to that man and, if he knew anyone who knows me, they could tell him that is not something Basilton Pitch does. To anyone. Ever.

I was falling in love with him. Which is preposterous considering we never did anything other than sit on our own balconies and talk to each other about the meaning of life. But I was ready to change that. I was ready to move our deep conversations, and the ones that weren’t so deep as well, into other places. Like coffee houses, restaurants, movie theatres, my kitchen, my room, my bed. Who knew? I was ready for it all. I was ready to start turning all the dreaming I had done while smoking my cigarette and staring at him, all those months ago, into reality. I had been working up the courage to ask him out and I was going to that night. And then, it happened.

I had just returned home after going shopping. I entered the kitchen to put down the bags and put away the groceries when I saw them. He was there, in the middle of the kitchen, all over some random blue-haired girl. I looked away immediately and left. I couldn’t believe he had a new girlfriend. And I couldn’t believe he would do that in the kitchen, of all places. I really thought what we had been doing this past month had meant something to him too. I guess I was wrong.

I didn’t come to the balcony that night. Or the following night. Or the one after that. Once again, I stopped showing up. And this time, I felt like I had a valid reason to.

 

_**SIMON:** _

 

I never saw Baz anywhere, anymore. I used to see him everywhere when I couldn’t talk to him, but now that I needed to, I never found him. I wanted to know what had happened. I needed to know what I had done to make him disappear without a reason. I always saw him in his kitchen, but whenever I came into mine, he would go away without even looking at me twice.  

I kept coming back at night, hoping that one day he would finally return, and tell me what it was that I did. Penny told me I should forget about him. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t explain to her that the connection I felt with him was not something to give up on. I really felt as if we could have a future, the both of us. Even without ever leaving our balconies, he made me feel things I wasn’t even sure I could feel. Because I had never felt them before.

I wasn’t going to give up on him. So, I waited, every night, for him to show up once more.

And then, one night, he did.

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

I tried to avoid Simon Snow. I left the kitchen whenever he was there, and waited for him to go away before returning. I avoided being there at night time because I knew he would be waiting for me. I wanted to avoid him, but I couldn’t. Ever since I saw him with the blue-haired girl, I kept seeing them everywhere. I saw him around campus, walking around with his new girlfriend. I saw him at the coffee house, studying with his new girlfriend. I saw him at the bus stop, waiting for the bus with his new girlfriend. I saw him at home, always with his new girlfriend. I even saw his girlfriend alone in the kitchen, sometimes. It seemed that she was always there, which must mean this was more serious than it had been with the blond one.

It was driving me insane. Everywhere I went, Snow was there. And I was conditioning my life trying to avoid confronting him.

And then, one day, as I was leaving orchestra practice, I saw Blue Hair fiercely kissing a man that was not Simon Snow. And I knew I had to tell him.

That's why, that night, I picked up all the courage I had, and I left for the balcony.

He was there, waiting for me.

 

_**SIMON:** _

__

I waited for him to say something first. I had been the one out here every night, hoping that he would come back with some sort of explanation. I was now waiting to hear it.

“Look, Snow…” he said, avoiding my gaze. “I really don’t want to be the one ruining your relationship. But if it was me, I would want to know. I saw your girlfriend with another guy.”

This was not the apology I was expecting.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” I was honestly confused. I knew I had told him Agatha and I had broken up. It was basically because of it that I had left to talk to him that first night. He looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

“It’s not the blue haired girl?”

“Penny?”

“The blue haired girl is Penny?” He was practically screaming. His eyes were filled with pain, and confusion, and a little anger that I was sure was not directed to me.

“Yes. You know, Penny. My roommate. My not blood related sister.”

He sat down and buried his face in his hands.

“The blue haired girl is Penny.” He mumbled to himself. “I fucked it all up because I didn’t ask.”

“Is hat why you stopped coming here?” I asked. It made sense that he would disappear if he thought I had someone else. It was stupid, but it made sense. He looked at me with pure disbelief and filled with sadness.

“Yes.”

“Well, you could have simply asked.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. He was leaning against the handrail of his balcony. “I am really sorry. I am a dumbass.”

“You are.” I agreed.

“I am sorry, Snow.”

“You said that.”

“I have not much left to say. I fucked up. And it sucks because this could have been something good, I think.”

“You really are a dumbass.” I said. I couldn’t believe he thought this couldn’t be something good anymore just because of a misunderstanding.

“We’ve established that.”

“You’re lucky I have a thing for gorgeous dumbasses who live across for me.”

 

_**BAZ:** _

 

The thousandth time I saw Simon Snow, he was laying in bed next to me. We no longer lived across from each other, as we were both living across from Penny and Micah now. Almost three years had gone by since that first time I saw Curly Mess. And what a ride it had been from there to here.

I remember having this ridiculous hope that he would come into his balcony one day and talk to me. I remember dreaming that we would have a lot in common, starting with the fact that we both felt super attracted to the other. I recall thinking that I would ask him out to dinner, and we would have the best time. And we would fall in love and live happily ever after.

The story didn’t go  _exactly_  like that. But, as I lay here in my bed, in  _our_  bed, holding him in my arms, I know that all the cigarette daydreams I had back then, could never match up to what my reality had become.

I held Simon closer, kissing the mole in his neck that I loved, and he smiled softly.

“Not again, babe. I’m exhausted.” I laughed, tugging a curl behind his ear.

“I wasn’t trying to do that, you pervert. I was just thinking how lucky I am to be here. With you.”

“You’re such a softie, Tyrannus.” I will forever regret ever telling him my first name. He enjoys making fun of it too much.

“Don’t be a dick, Snow. You love it when I am soft.” He turned to me and pulled me closer, laying his head on top of my chest.

“I do. Even when you’re being a creep and watching me sleep.” I laugh, pulling him towards me for a kiss.

“I love you, Baz. Even when you’re a dumbass.”

“And I love you.”

So, things didn’t quiet go as I had dreamt they would, all those years back then when I first saw Simon. It took me a while to take him out to dinner. We had a lot in common, but less than the things we didn’t. We both fucked up in the beginning and it took us a huge amount of time to come to where we are today. But then again, we did fall in love, and I did get my happy ending. And that was all I really wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I know this was a big one!  
> I just wanted to say that I know that the balcony thing and them being so close is completely unrealistic but let’s just pretend it isn’t for the sake of the story.  
> I also apologize for all the smoking Baz did. Smoking is bad for you, don't do it. Baz quit after starting to date Simon.  
> I am slightly sleep deprived so I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes that you could find. I will re-read this again later and look for them.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, 
> 
> Have a lovely day everyone!


End file.
